“It feels very vulnerable to be on the other side of the camera. I was giving someone else the power to manipulate a group of people’s image of me. Throughout the process, my own past experiences involving film would often resurface, but I would not be able to take part in ways similar to those experiences because I was the subject of the film, and not the cameraperson nor director.
As if to counteract this vulnerability, I started to document the experience of being filmed, particularly focusing on moments where I managed to capture the camera or the camera lost me. I started playing a game where I would record such moments and signify them through repeated phrases such as “I shot him” throughout the book. I put together these experiences in a diary format similar to journal entries in teen girls’ diaries, hopefully giving a strange, unconventional spin to a format often not taken as seriously in the fine arts world. Throughout the book, I also documented the questions I started to ask myself as I began to realize that becoming the subject gave me power within this project in different ways. I had the opportunity to decide exactly where to film and exactly what they could film. I chose to repeatedly visit destinations that are often associated with female adolescence and commonly deemed to be without concrete, practical purpose, such as fortune tellers, aquariums, and cafes. Locality plays a large presence within the book, as the recorded events often connote an attachment to a specific building or language barrier I met during my time in the city.”